The Intoxication of Joy

The following is an interesting letter written by my mother to a person in Recovery some time ago. I remember Mom and I having discussions about this subject and how much it has helped me over time. Maybe this will resonate for you too. Sometimes Mom would say "Dr. Low said," and it might have been something he said directly to her or she heard in a lecture that was not recorded, so don't be confused if you haven't read it somewhere. If you are not familiar with this blog, please go to my first entry on January 17, 2009.

This is what she wrote:

Dear XXXX,

I'll start out with a few words about the stimulation factor, since you asked for any ideas I have on it. It's very seductive. Success is so sweet. You are also using your creative talents and Dr. Low said that to have a blueprint in your mind and then see it happen in the outer world, is very satisfying to humans.

Right now you are caught up in event after event - good results- it validates your creative ideas as being good ones. When this was happening in Michigan, I was ecstatic. I was needed, I was competent to do what had to be done. It meant working with all kinds of co-workers which again called on my abilities to handle the frustrations and irritations this brought forth in Recoveryites.

Well, I was "on a roll." Then I sat down one evening to watch the news. My mind was still reeling with past and future events. I wasn't listening to the news but sitting with the other family members, looking at the T.V. and trying to look absorbed in the news.

I felt terrific and yet, I noticed that my shoulders felt tense. I tried to loosen them up but the tenseness remained. My tongue even felt tense and I began to realize that this is what Dr. Low called the intoxication of joy and that was toxic, not healthy as to balance.

I made a firm decision that to preserve my good mental health I had to do something before the tenseness would ease and leave my organism free to function in balance. It didn't all take place with this one example. I'm just using this situation as a focal point, but it did happen just like that.

I had to LEARN to slow down my muscles first. To do this I made a conscious effort to eat more slowly and be more deliberate as I raised the fork to my mouth. I willed myself to talk more slowly. The thoughts still kept racing, I suppose because my brain had become "tense."

By the way, this wasn't at all an uncomfortable feeling. There was plenty of motivation to continue it, but by then, I knew my mental health was my supreme goal and that self discipline was the answer.

I looked at my schedule (a mish mash of plans... do this while you are in that neighborhood when you visit your mother in the hospital, then on your way back swing over to meet that priest you made an appointment with, then on and on...) an exceptional person like me? Of course, I had to get them all done. Remind you of the gnarled clothes line in MHTWT?

So, in spite of my feelings that I should take care of all these duties and that Recovery would suffer if I didn't, I began to eliminate from my schedule some of the extras. I remember it very well, because I had had depression and I'd also had the "highs".

In the meantime, while I was making a personal project of my own inner environment, I still kept doing a good average job of doing what had to be done. My thoughts eventually became more orderly and the tenseness left my head, tongue, neck, shoulders, stomach, etc., etc.

We'll discuss more, okay? Let's face it though, you and I are both cut out to do this work, but we need our mental health to do it!

Love,

T