A Moment in Conquering Stigma

This happened to me back in 1979 and I shared it with Mom. Since I just wrote about her dealing with stigma, I thought this a good follow up example of how we pass things on through our demonstration of self-leadership. I had joined a new group and was asked to read a preamble at a meeting which was quite large. As I started reading my hands and legs began to shake and it was hard to see the words on the shaking paper. I kept spotting that I could bear this discomfort in front of everyone and wondered what the realistic thing to do was. I grabbed a chair and as I pulled it up to the front of the room I explained to the group what as happening to me. I finished reading just fine and endorsed myself. Several people came up after the meeting to say they never thought of doing that and it helped them. Most of all it helped me! I endorsed myself for the effort and bearing the discomfort. I later shared this with my mother and this is what she wrote back to me. She was always encouraging in her words and we were so fortunate to be able to share the Recovery language with each other. Here is what she wrote in June, 1979:

Dear T. Ann,

It was just wonderful to be able to share your experience of victory over your fearful temper. Boy! It certainly proves what Dr. Low said that there is no danger and that a threat constricted to a pin point by tension one can still have a well modulated voice. Also, that "fear can be borne" and cause only discomfort (either severe or mild).

But it's one thing to hear that, read it, or even hear about someone else going through it, and a completely different thing when you are the person shoved into the situation and suddenly there you are - all alone in your body - with that body firing off swarms of symptoms! And of course, when all is said and done about 90% of it is danger to the social personality.

You took care of that when you mentioned your discomfort so forth rightly and proved again to yourself that there's no danger to your social personality either, because people didn't get up and leave or condemn you - in fact you know several people were helped by your action.

This "running forward" to meet discomfort and embracing it as a common human experience (perfectly average) begins to unhinge that fear. It may return, but next time you have this experience behind you and it is part of your memory bank. Having put your muscles through the experience, you will follow that up shortly by leading that meeting and shortly there after another challenge - until immunity forms, the fear will be yours. Not that you won't feel some nervousness - that's part of nearly all such "appearances" before a large group for practically everyone, but it will no longer be of overwhelming severity and intensity.

By the way, even if you had not sat down - you still would be in no danger - but the task at hand and the goal were to get the passages read aloud for the group. You finished the task and reached the goal and even further by laughing at the stigma we feel about our nervous system developing tenseness. The entire group must have relaxed when you did. Good for you. That really took courage!

Love,

Mom