How I Lost the Stigma

This was originally published in the "Recovery News", 1949. Mom had probably been in Recovery less than two years and was becoming more and more active in her own Recovery inner work and helping to start Recovery in Michigan.

By Treasure R., leader of the Brighton Branch of Recovery

When I first started the Recovery Group in Detroit, I was still suggering miserable. Because other treatment had failed to help me, I was desperate and decided to accept Recovery without question because Annette and Gertrude had told me of their relief through Recovery. And I believe one of the most importnt lessons I learned was to lose the stigma.

After reading the Recovery Literature, I started to apply the principles explained in detail therein. One afternoon, I had the opportunity to attend the dedication of a new mental helath clinic in Ann Arbor, Michigan. The governor was to make a speech and many other notables were to be present. I forced myself to attend. In former days I would have begged off with some fancy excuse. With the new assurance gained from meeting Recovery members and reading Recovery literature, I was not TOO uncomfortable, while listening to the speeches and only slightly preoccupied with fears and sensations.

I was regaining a feeling of normalcy when I was shown through the clinic by an intern. I spoke to him of my interest in Recovery, briefly, making sure he understood what I told him. By this time, I felt quite elated at my successful afternoon.

Recovery really worked and I was beginning to see light for my future. I was then invited to have tea in the dining room. The very mention of food brought on a few sensations for eating with others wasmy biggest difficulty. However, applying what I had learned in Recovery, I "moved my muscles," went into the dining room and got my tea and cakes (with trembling hands). Then I sought a secluded table (sabotage) where I could eat alone. To my dismay the intern who had taken me around the clinic asked me to join four other doctors at their table. There was no escape. I walked to their table like a prisoner "walks the last mile." No sooner had I ben seated than heat waves began to come over me, my heart palpitated wildly, the blood pounded in my ears, y mouth felt dry, anmy mind was racing with thoughts soething like this: A panic...they'll know I'm ill, I can't concentrate...

As quickly as I could, I excused myself and walked outside to my car. I felt very depressed and shaken. What was the use of Recovery? Sure it had helped me sit through a meeting but if I couldn't drink a cup of tea with others what sort of life could I look forward to? I had read the literature over and over (we had been having meetings) and yet when my panic started, nothing helped. Where was the principle to apply there? What was the answer?

At the next meeting I reported my panic to the other members but decided not to speak of y discouragement. We read an article from the Journal that dealt with the Stigma and gave examples where other patients lost their symptoms when they learned to speak of them without fear of censor. Then the understanding (insight) came. I must give up the idea of shame and disgrace connected with my illness if I wanted to be free of it.

NOW I had the insight but could I put the principles into practice and WOULD it work? It wasn't long until I had a good occasion to try it out. It was while I was eating with some friends of my husband. Before, when panics developed while eating I would find some excuse to leave the table until I could regain my composure. This time I decided to practice Recovery by facing the panic as quietly as I could and if my confusion became too severe an I felt anyone noticed it, I would speak of it. After all, many people mention nervousness and distress without feeling they have "lost face." I was feeling quite tense but this new thought, that I could mention my feelings if I had to, was so comforting that I relaxed and finished the meal with ease.

One Recovery principle proven. After several other similar tries, I decided to give up the idea of the STIGMA. Now I feel free to mention m illness or to admit I have nervous sensations at any time. This relieves me of tenseness AND my symptoms.