A Moment in Conquering Stigma

This happened to me back in 1979 and I shared it with Mom. Since I just wrote about her dealing with stigma, I thought this a good follow up example of how we pass things on through our demonstration of self-leadership. I had joined a new group and was asked to read a preamble at a meeting which was quite large. As I started reading my hands and legs began to shake and it was hard to see the words on the shaking paper. I kept spotting that I could bear this discomfort in front of everyone and wondered what the realistic thing to do was. I grabbed a chair and as I pulled it up to the front of the room I explained to the group what as happening to me. I finished reading just fine and endorsed myself. Several people came up after the meeting to say they never thought of doing that and it helped them. Most of all it helped me! I endorsed myself for the effort and bearing the discomfort. I later shared this with my mother and this is what she wrote back to me. She was always encouraging in her words and we were so fortunate to be able to share the Recovery language with each other. Here is what she wrote in June, 1979:

Dear T. Ann,

It was just wonderful to be able to share your experience of victory over your fearful temper. Boy! It certainly proves what Dr. Low said that there is no danger and that a threat constricted to a pin point by tension one can still have a well modulated voice. Also, that "fear can be borne" and cause only discomfort (either severe or mild).

But it's one thing to hear that, read it, or even hear about someone else going through it, and a completely different thing when you are the person shoved into the situation and suddenly there you are - all alone in your body - with that body firing off swarms of symptoms! And of course, when all is said and done about 90% of it is danger to the social personality.

You took care of that when you mentioned your discomfort so forth rightly and proved again to yourself that there's no danger to your social personality either, because people didn't get up and leave or condemn you - in fact you know several people were helped by your action.

This "running forward" to meet discomfort and embracing it as a common human experience (perfectly average) begins to unhinge that fear. It may return, but next time you have this experience behind you and it is part of your memory bank. Having put your muscles through the experience, you will follow that up shortly by leading that meeting and shortly there after another challenge - until immunity forms, the fear will be yours. Not that you won't feel some nervousness - that's part of nearly all such "appearances" before a large group for practically everyone, but it will no longer be of overwhelming severity and intensity.

By the way, even if you had not sat down - you still would be in no danger - but the task at hand and the goal were to get the passages read aloud for the group. You finished the task and reached the goal and even further by laughing at the stigma we feel about our nervous system developing tenseness. The entire group must have relaxed when you did. Good for you. That really took courage!

Love,

Mom

How I Lost the Stigma

This was originally published in the "Recovery News", 1949. Mom had probably been in Recovery less than two years and was becoming more and more active in her own Recovery inner work and helping to start Recovery in Michigan.

By Treasure R., leader of the Brighton Branch of Recovery

When I first started the Recovery Group in Detroit, I was still suggering miserable. Because other treatment had failed to help me, I was desperate and decided to accept Recovery without question because Annette and Gertrude had told me of their relief through Recovery. And I believe one of the most importnt lessons I learned was to lose the stigma.

After reading the Recovery Literature, I started to apply the principles explained in detail therein. One afternoon, I had the opportunity to attend the dedication of a new mental helath clinic in Ann Arbor, Michigan. The governor was to make a speech and many other notables were to be present. I forced myself to attend. In former days I would have begged off with some fancy excuse. With the new assurance gained from meeting Recovery members and reading Recovery literature, I was not TOO uncomfortable, while listening to the speeches and only slightly preoccupied with fears and sensations.

I was regaining a feeling of normalcy when I was shown through the clinic by an intern. I spoke to him of my interest in Recovery, briefly, making sure he understood what I told him. By this time, I felt quite elated at my successful afternoon.

Recovery really worked and I was beginning to see light for my future. I was then invited to have tea in the dining room. The very mention of food brought on a few sensations for eating with others wasmy biggest difficulty. However, applying what I had learned in Recovery, I "moved my muscles," went into the dining room and got my tea and cakes (with trembling hands). Then I sought a secluded table (sabotage) where I could eat alone. To my dismay the intern who had taken me around the clinic asked me to join four other doctors at their table. There was no escape. I walked to their table like a prisoner "walks the last mile." No sooner had I ben seated than heat waves began to come over me, my heart palpitated wildly, the blood pounded in my ears, y mouth felt dry, anmy mind was racing with thoughts soething like this: A panic...they'll know I'm ill, I can't concentrate...

As quickly as I could, I excused myself and walked outside to my car. I felt very depressed and shaken. What was the use of Recovery? Sure it had helped me sit through a meeting but if I couldn't drink a cup of tea with others what sort of life could I look forward to? I had read the literature over and over (we had been having meetings) and yet when my panic started, nothing helped. Where was the principle to apply there? What was the answer?

At the next meeting I reported my panic to the other members but decided not to speak of y discouragement. We read an article from the Journal that dealt with the Stigma and gave examples where other patients lost their symptoms when they learned to speak of them without fear of censor. Then the understanding (insight) came. I must give up the idea of shame and disgrace connected with my illness if I wanted to be free of it.

NOW I had the insight but could I put the principles into practice and WOULD it work? It wasn't long until I had a good occasion to try it out. It was while I was eating with some friends of my husband. Before, when panics developed while eating I would find some excuse to leave the table until I could regain my composure. This time I decided to practice Recovery by facing the panic as quietly as I could and if my confusion became too severe an I felt anyone noticed it, I would speak of it. After all, many people mention nervousness and distress without feeling they have "lost face." I was feeling quite tense but this new thought, that I could mention my feelings if I had to, was so comforting that I relaxed and finished the meal with ease.

One Recovery principle proven. After several other similar tries, I decided to give up the idea of the STIGMA. Now I feel free to mention m illness or to admit I have nervous sensations at any time. This relieves me of tenseness AND my symptoms.

Setbacks

One day, years ago, my mother (also named Treasure -- see first blog) wrote a woman on the east coast about handling a setback. The letter was passed around so much that it became tattered and worn. I believe that she finally wrote something for the "Recovery Reporter" . If she did, this may be it. There is no date on it. I found it upon my return from a long vacation in CA. Most everything I type will be done exactly as it is on paper except I will change the font to italics.

Setbacks

Believe it or not setbacks seem to serve a purpose. We learn from them and, of course, they are pretty grim reminders of the fact that we must not indulge in sabotage. The setback also seems to help us to acquire a better balance by teaching us, I suppose, the art of spotting. It is so easy to work up temper against our symptoms when we are in a setback. This starts the vicious cycle. Our old set of symptoms, panic and all, return for some unknown reason. We notice them and instead of accepting them calmly we start thrashing around in our minds with the sabotaging thought of "The permanent handicap" and so we discover that our will to bear discomfort is not as strong as we thought it was when we were feeling well.

One of the things I always did, would still do in a setback is to start over again at the weakest point. It seems like you go back quite a way to do this but then think of the very word, setback. I would have to start first thing in the morning -- handling irritations with the children and spotting my performances every minute of the day, most of it being done through the muscles as usual. This method seems to bring me out of it the quickest.

One of the most important things to remember if not the most important is "waiting", because when you feel fearful, you have the sense of fatigue and don't handle yourself the way you would like with people. You feel that you are worse than ever and can't seem to look forward to the time when it will lift. Don't you agree? No doubt you know from experience that the whole picture can change for you and you will again feel secure and spontaneous. I have had it happen overnight.